But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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