I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
