So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
