we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
