Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
