Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
