My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
