After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
