I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
