ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
