I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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