dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We have started to decorate penises.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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