My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
