I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
