I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
