I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize