A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
