O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
