I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
