Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
