I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
