That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
