she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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