I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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