Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
