Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
