Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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