She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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