I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
