Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
