They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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