So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
