Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
