So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
