I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
