Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize