Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
