so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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