didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
