Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
