That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
