I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize