And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
