i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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