I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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