I didn't shave. On purpose
In America we eat man semen.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
