I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
