Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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