i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
