Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
