I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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