are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
