we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
we should paint friendship bongs
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
