I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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