It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
