I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
