dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize