We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
