She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
