fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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