You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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