In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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