the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize