Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
