my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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