Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he thought i was a dude.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
