sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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