Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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