Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize