Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
True strength comes from lack of pants
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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