And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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