if you like me you must not know who I am
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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