i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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