I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
