I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
