You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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