I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
