dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
