Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
