If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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