i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
