it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
