shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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