he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sext me about skeletons
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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