Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
